Not on “The List”

So, in going over my “bucket list”, I realized that, while I have done many awesome things this year (Daytona 500, Laser Tag Rave, Paint Party, etc.) I have not really done much of anything that was actually ON the list.  I did dance on a bar (that was never officially on the list, but has always been on the list in my head…in fact, I shall put it on the list just so I can cross it off).  I also steered a sort-of boat in Missouri.  It was actually a “duck”, and I steered it the way one might say they steered the boat on the Jaws ride… so does that count?  I think I need to edit my list to include some things I might be more likely to actually DO!  So, list re-writing… COMMENCE!

In the mean time, I also realized that it has been a while since I made a playlist for you.  So to fix that, I give you the two country songs that any dancer/musician/lover should appreciate even if they do not like country

 

and…

 

I also give you this which keeps randomly popping into my head…

 

And this, because it was stuck in my head this morning…

…welcome to the chaos that is my mind!

En Français (Je m’ennuie)

Je me sens comme écrire en français par un raison que je ne sais pas.  Alors, je vais écrire ce poste de rien d’importance, mais – en français.  Je n’ai pas écrit en français depuis beaucoup de temps, alors, j’espère que ma grammaire est bien.  J’ai besoin d’apprendre beaucoup de la langue encore.  La mêmes avec l’italien.  C’est un peu difficile quand on n’a pas personne avec qui de practiquer.  Il n’y a pas beaucoups de francophones en Floride, et moins de personnes qui parle l’italien.  Maintenant, j’apprends l’arabique, de qui plus de personnes parlent (mais pas autant  l’espagnol).  C’est tous pour maintenant.  Je voudrais pouvoir de penser en français encore, et  écriver un poém en français.

Want Ads

Whoever said “It’s easier to get a job when you already have one” has clearly not tried finding a job in the past few years.  I’ve never not had at least one  job in the last seven years, but I’ve always been looking for a different/better one, and have yet to get any!  I reply to want ads every few days, most either never respond, or respond right away with pre-generated spam designed to steal your personal information.  I have found this makes me pretty leery of most postings, especially on Craigslist.  So I have started to take some liberties and have fun with it.  The last posting I responded to promised a “casual work environment”, so I started my cover letter with “Hi!”.  They didn’t even list the name of the company, so who was I supposed to address it to?!?!

I have a theory too:  getting a job is like getting a boyfriend/girlfriend (which I also suck at, by the way).  It is a non-scientifically proven fact that girls always fall for the asshole.  Therefore, by acting like an asshole, the potential employer is more likely to fall for you (i.e. hire you).  It does seem that the people who walk into a place with the “you’re going to hire me attitude” are more likely to get the job.  I am still testing this theory.  And this attitude.

I would like to leave you with my favorite act of job seeking assholeness- my so-called ‘satirical’ resume.  Some of you may have already seen it, but the more exposure the better, right?! (Hey, it works for sunscreen!)

 

Hi, my name is...  (you are only privy to that if you might hire me)
CONTACT: Reply to this posting...
OBJECTIVE:  To lay all my random skills out there and see if anyone can find me a job that fits at least most of them.  I have a genius IQ and can't get a job with my real resume.  I am told I would be the ideal candidate for asissting an eccentric philanthropist, but I'm willing to explore my options.
EMPLOYMENT
2010-Present 		Private Tutor
  • I tutored my coworkers in math, international relations and western civilisations (because I’m smart)
  • I helped them write “A” papers (this proves I’m a good writer AND can meet deadlines!)
2006- Present 		A Popular Casual Dining Restaurant Chain
Jane-of-all-Trades (Server/Bartender/Trainer/ToGo Person/Expeditor)
  • I can put up with even the most obnoxious people with a smile on my face
  • I can take contradictory orders from different leadership sources
  • I can make delicious drinks
  • I can teach other people how to do menial things
2007-2009		Theme Park Halloween Event
Performer
  • I learned how to scare people so badly they pissed their pants
  • I learned how to tolerate being kicked, spat on, sat on, and almost pissed on
EDUMACATION
University Class of 2007
  • Bachelor’s of Business Administration in Management (Magna cum Laude)
  • Bachelor’s of Business Administration in International Business and Trade (Magna cum Laude)
  • Participated in the Hospitality Management Society
  • Was District Treasurer for Circle K (the service organization, not the convienience store) and in charge of the money and budget for the whole state and helping organize large conferences
High School Class of 2003
  • I was an overachiever, graduated in the top 20 of my class, was in multiple clubs (most of which I was the treasurer for), performed in school plays, and recieved my International Baccalaureate (IB) diploma (you know this is true because I can spell “baccalaureate”)
AWESOME RANDOM SKILLS YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT
  • I have quite an aptitude for learning languages, including:
    • French (semi-fluent)
    • Italian
    • Restaurant Spanish
    • Bible Class Hebrew
    • Arabic
    • American Sign Language (I especially like signing songs)
  • line dancing (I dance so awesomely everyone at the club tries to copy me)
  • swing dancing
  • I can find pretty much anything on the internet
  • alphabatizing things (I may have a mild case of C.D.O.- It’s like OCD but in alphabetical order)
  • I can walk and perform on drywall stilts
  • I have an uncanny ear for “that’s what she said” opportunities (this just shows that I am a good listener!)
  • I can drink whiskey straight from the bottle with no whiskey face (I don’t know how this is useful but people find it impressive at parties!)
  • I can make a delicious cocktail out of even the most odd and random selection of ingredients (you’ve been a bartender way too long when…..)
  • I make friends everywhere I go (it may have something to do with these awesome useless talents)
  • C++ programming (it’s been a while since I’ve done it but I bet it’s like riding a bike!)
  • I can french braid my own hair without even looking in a mirror (again, not sure how this is useful but it is impressive… and shows my dexterity)
  • writing poetry (I’ve had 9 poems published in anthologies)
  • I’m also good at writing other things (remember those papers?!) — I have a blog!
  • did I mention my genius IQ?

The “Show Me” State

After spending almost the past week in Branson/Springfield, MO, I must say I’m slightly disappointed.  There’s not much to do.  You can see three shows a day, at $30 a pop, but I fall asleep halfway through the second one!  You can shop, but its more expensive for the same crappy stuff you can get anywhere.  There’s a theme park (huzzah!) but it has about as many rides as Busch Gardens and then is filled up with more expensive shops.  There are hills and cliffs and caves, but they drive you through all of them.  And the one thing I wanted to do- line dance- there’s no where to go and do it!  Now maybe its because I am at the mercy of my grandparents, who prefer to be spectators, but there’s not much to actually DO in Missouri.  Which is probably a good thing because I’m not so sure that the “Do Me” state would go over well in this Bible belt!

Where will YOU be in ten years?

Remember back in high school people would always ask you “Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?”  I’m pretty sure that question was on every college admissions application.  How did you answer?  Did you really know?  Did you have a goal or did you just put what you thought they wanted to hear?  Or were you honest and said you had no idea?

I honestly don’t remember what I would put for that.  I’m fairly certain I generally just left it blank or filled it with question marks.  I’ve always had a few random ideas for where my life could go, but I always figured there were so many variables that affected it to know for sure.  At one point I wanted to be either a profiler or linguist for the FBI.  At another point I wanted to be a computer programmer.  I also always thought that by ten years I’d have a husband and kids and a family and a house.

Today, I realized that it HAS been ten years.   Did you end up where you thought you would?  Did you accomplish any of your lofty adolescent goals?  I didn’t.  No fancy, important career.  No husband or kids.  I do have a house.  I suppose that’s something.  One out of four ain’t bad, I suppose.   Still, I ask myself what I have been doing for these past 10 years?!?  I’m no closer to any of these goals than when I graduated high school.  In fact, I feel like I’m further away from any of them.

Someone pointed out today that there are kids half my age that have accomplished way more in their short lives than I will ever hope to accomplish in mine.  It’s kind of a depressing thought.  I suppose it gives you something to work towards, but for most of those things I feel like the ship has sailed.  And let’s be honest, a 3o-year old doing the things that a 10 year old is doing isn’t nearly as impressive.

I suppose the only thing to do now is ask myself: Where do you hope to be in 10 years from NOW?  Funnily enough, the answers remain pretty much the same (except even less lofty):  husband, maybe kids, decent career (I don’t need anything too fancy, just something I don’t hate and can make a decent living at), and maybe have visited a couple more foreign countries.  Those don’t seem lofty do they?  I’m not asking to be a pop star or anything!  Just some basic, All-American goals.  And hopefully, my next 10 years will be more successful than the last 🙂

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