Ah, Sweet? Memories

I should be sleeping to try and kick my cold, but I have once again been distracted.  I was going to put something away and what should I come across but my old journal (I would say diary but that sounds so sixth grade!)  Naturally, I had to start reading it.  It starts a few months into my first semester at college.  It’s amazing how you tend to forget the bad things.  Which, actually, might explain why I don’t remember most of college.  Not that college was really that bad, but at the time I felt it was.  It was mainly just lonely.

In any case, I digress.  It goes on to talk about closure with the guy I loved all through high school… what I want my house to have when I grow up (I must say, I got about half of it!)  …  my whirlwind decision to run for and become Circle K District Treasurer (another chapter of my life I’d almost forgotten!)  … and of course it constantly recounts my ever persistent boy troubles (some things never change!)  But, despite all of that, is what I found next… my “List of Things to Do Before I Die”.

As far as I know, this is the first written list I have made of this type.  I chose to write about it because, while it is quite short, I have accomplished many of the things on it.  In my previous post I was somewhat despondent  at having not accomplished anything I wanted to.  Perhaps I set my goals to high?  This discovery gave me some strange sort of hope again.   So here is my earliest list…

  • live in a foreign country for at least 6 weeks
  • visit Hawaii (done in the summer of 2005 or 2006?)
  • graduate college cum laude (I actually one up-ed myself and graduated MAGNA cum laude)
  • publish a book of my poems and art
  • perform at least one line in a professional play/movie/tv show
  • get married
  • have a kid
  • learn Spanish (well I do know a good deal more than I did before…)
  • become fluent in French (judged by my attempt to write in French, I feel like I have digressed in this goal)
  • own my home (closed on my house in Feb 2009!)
  • take a road trip (depends how you define road trip…)
  • see the west coast of the U.S. (I will be doing this in less than two months and I am sooooooo excited!)
I know it probably means nothing to anyone but me, but it is always encouraging to really see all that you have accomplished, especially in such times of stagnation.

Where will YOU be in ten years?

Remember back in high school people would always ask you “Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?”  I’m pretty sure that question was on every college admissions application.  How did you answer?  Did you really know?  Did you have a goal or did you just put what you thought they wanted to hear?  Or were you honest and said you had no idea?

I honestly don’t remember what I would put for that.  I’m fairly certain I generally just left it blank or filled it with question marks.  I’ve always had a few random ideas for where my life could go, but I always figured there were so many variables that affected it to know for sure.  At one point I wanted to be either a profiler or linguist for the FBI.  At another point I wanted to be a computer programmer.  I also always thought that by ten years I’d have a husband and kids and a family and a house.

Today, I realized that it HAS been ten years.   Did you end up where you thought you would?  Did you accomplish any of your lofty adolescent goals?  I didn’t.  No fancy, important career.  No husband or kids.  I do have a house.  I suppose that’s something.  One out of four ain’t bad, I suppose.   Still, I ask myself what I have been doing for these past 10 years?!?  I’m no closer to any of these goals than when I graduated high school.  In fact, I feel like I’m further away from any of them.

Someone pointed out today that there are kids half my age that have accomplished way more in their short lives than I will ever hope to accomplish in mine.  It’s kind of a depressing thought.  I suppose it gives you something to work towards, but for most of those things I feel like the ship has sailed.  And let’s be honest, a 3o-year old doing the things that a 10 year old is doing isn’t nearly as impressive.

I suppose the only thing to do now is ask myself: Where do you hope to be in 10 years from NOW?  Funnily enough, the answers remain pretty much the same (except even less lofty):  husband, maybe kids, decent career (I don’t need anything too fancy, just something I don’t hate and can make a decent living at), and maybe have visited a couple more foreign countries.  Those don’t seem lofty do they?  I’m not asking to be a pop star or anything!  Just some basic, All-American goals.  And hopefully, my next 10 years will be more successful than the last 🙂

Save the Drama for Television

I always thought that T.V. and movies over dramatized the way things are in real life (think “Mean Girls”, “The Secret Life of the American Teenager”, “Dawson’s Creek”, etc.) I always watched these shows and thought, “who can relate to these things?!” Even reality TV I always dismissed as completely unrealistic. But apparently I was wrong. Apparently I’ve managed to fly under the drama radar for nearly twenty-five years. I survived all of middle school, high school, and college without ever really having to worry about liars, cheats, and backstabbers. But apparently it really does exist in real life, far more than I ever knew. Maybe it’s because I’m a likable enough person. Maybe since I try to be nice to everyone, they’re generally at least civil towards me. Maybe because I tend to drop friends that prove to be, well, unfriendly. Maybe because I’ve, until recently, always had mostly mature friends and hung mostly around guys I never noticed it, but girls are mean! They are manipulative and vindictive. This is why I could never join a sorority. Also why I never had very many girl friends except my few best friends. I think, at the end of the day, they’re just jealous. Jealous that I can make friends anywhere I go. Jealous that almost everybody, except them, likes me. Jealous that I am free to do as I please without a husband, or boyfriend, or parents, or kids to tie me down. Jealous that I go places and suddenly upgrade to VIP status. At the end of the day my life is filled with AWESOME because I make it that way. Think it will happen, and it will. Everything happens for a reason.

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