Literally

What if every time you used the word “literally” incorrectly or unnecessarily, someone died (literally rather than figuratively)? We’d be extinct by the end of the year!

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Aside

Where do I really belong?

Every time I come “home”, I feel less and less like I belong there.  In my ADD efforts to not do the millions of things on my “To Do” list the other day, I decided to take a bunch of cheesy online quizzes to see in which country I really belong. (Google the subject and you’ll get pages of them, thank you PlayBuzz).

The results were pretty inconclusive, but interesting none the less.

At the top, came in Denmark (3), Italy (3) and India (3).  I already know that I could not live in India, too much dust and dirt and pollution – I’d never breathe again!  And, while I am Italian by heritage, I think it would take a long time to adjust to the “when I get to it” mentality of the bureaucratic country.  Denmark I could definitely see, even though I’ve only ever been in the airport there.

Other considerable options that came up included: New Zealand (if only it weren’t so far from EVERYTHING), Japan (perhaps too formal for my tastes), Sweden (similar to Denmark, but colder), the Netherlands (definitely a possibility, any Dutch friends want to adopt me?!?), South Africa (want to visit, not sure about living there), South Korea (I could actually see this for a few years at least – hello ARTBox!), Canada (duh, eh?), Austria (maybe), Great Britain (been there, could go back), and France (twelve years of French might FINALLY pay off!)

A few that were interesting and possibly way off…. Lithuania (okay, actually I know nothing about the country, maybe it’s like Denmark and Sweden?), Brazil (uh, yeah, no), Ghana (what?!?!?), Burkina Faso (I don’t even know where that is).

So, there you have it folks, don’t believe everything you read on the internet.  But if you too feel out of place where you live, it might open your mind to some places you never considered before!  Also, check out this TED Talk about having many or no homes.

 

#WordsofWisdom … in Other Languages

You know you spend too much time studying languages when you answer “Keyfa haluuk?” with “io sto bene”!!!

Those who can’t do- teach. Those who CAN do- CAN’T teach.

#wordsofwisdom #fromships

These are a few of my most missed things…

Things I Miss:

  • Waking up to sunlight
  • My soft sheets and mattress
  • Turkey bacon
  • My puppy
  • Boneless buffalo wings
  • Fast internet
  • Cooking (esp. grilled cheese and quesadillas!)
  • Days off

Don’t Judge Me!

For those of you who don’t know, this weekend was Gasparilla Pirate’s Fest, Tampa’s own little version of Mardi Gras (only better because it’s pirate themed!) I had the fortune to be in the parade this year (which was always on my list even though I don’t think I ever wrote it).  I’m not sure who drinks more, the people in the crowds or on the floats? Either way, ya start early and go all day!  I was smart enough to crap out early though because I had to work early the next day (a sunday when most people had off).

At my job, we are required to suggest margaritas to every table, even if they clearly don’t want them.  And when they say “No”, we’re pretty much supposed to force them down their throats anyways (at least that’s what the company would like).  So around noon on sunday, I am waiting tables.  I get one that clearly looks like they just came from church (a generalization about our church people- they think they are high and mighty because they went to church and you clearly were not allowed to and then they sit at your table for hours and leave you no tip (except maybe a ‘Jesus Saves’ card)  because they think you are so much beneath them you should be their slave, but I digress).  I do my usual schpiel, ask them if they want a margarita, and the lady gives me the stank eye and goes “what, this early?!” in a voice like I had just asked her to commit murder.  Hey, it’s five o’clock somewhere!  I wanted to say “honey, this time yesterday I was already 6 shots in!”  But, I held my tongue and waited 20 minutes for them to be ready to order.  All the while she stared at me like I had the plague and she was afraid she might catch it.  If you think servers are so much beneath you, cook your own damn food!

I guess it is somewhat hypocritical of me to judge them with all the other church people- but I was right- they sat there for another 2 hours, their kids made a mess everywhere, and they left like $3.  I, on the other hand, drank all the day before, remembered everything I did, and was not even hung over the next day and managed to do my job just fine.  So who fit their stereotype better?  At the end of the day, people are constantly judging you no matter what.  It’s my goal to constantly prove them wrong (yes I really am 26, yes I really do have a genius IQ, yes I do speak 3ish languages), but damn it’s hard work!!!

Too Many Holidays!!!

Every year my birthday falls halfway between Christmas and New Year’s.  Those of you with Christmas birthdays know how sucky this is.  This year, Hanukkah happens to end at sundown on my birthday.  Does this mean I can blow out my hanukiah candles and make a wish???  Is it more likely to come true (cuz I could use all the help I can get!)

P.S. I know you’re supposed to let the candles burn out, this was just a funny musing I had in my head when I realized the dates of events this season!

If I Were Governor

So let me start by saying that I’m so glad that the ban on panhandling in Tampa is working so well! (By which I mean I passed four panhandlers on my way home today).

For those of you who are not from West Central Florida, or just don’t follow the news, as of November 1st, the city of Tampa banned panhandling except on Sundays (which today is not).  Of course, banning something but not enforcing it doesn’t do much good.  Plus, if I were a bum, I would panhandle to get arrested just for 3 hots and a cot!  So now our jails can be filled with bums while real criminals roam the streets raping and pillaging (because clearly all criminals are pirates…or vikings).  All of this is putting to further waste our tax dollars.

You know what would not have been a waste of our tax dollars?  High speed light rail system.  But, oh wait, that got shot down (again, for those of you not from the area or just oblivious- central Florida tried last year to pass a bill for an above ground subway of sorts, but it got shot down despite popular vote).  What would be a great way to create jobs, get bums off the street, and keep costs relatively low?  Hire all the bums to build the railroad!  Obviously they would need professional supervision, but labor costs would decrease significantly in paying people making nothing now, minimum wage to help build it.  How do you think they built the cross country railroads.  They paid all the Micks pennies to do it!  (And beer, which is close enough to money for an Irishman and probably a bum)*.

I’m just saying, we need more businessmen and less politicians running this place.  And by businessmen, I don’t mean the kind that embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars.

 

*I mean no real racism by this, I am part Irish, it’s merely the way of thinking back when the railroads were built.  They also hated Asians, but as I am not part Asian, I feel I am not allowed to make racist jokes about them.

Reasons I Should Not be Left by Myself

Regardless of the fact that I like to think I yearn for honest human interaction, I find myself spending more and more time alone.  I have started having conversations in my head with myself (okay, I’ve always had those, but at least they used to be with imaginary friends!)  This is the conversation I just had in my head while cleaning my floors…

-People need to start taking off their shoes when they come in…

-Yes, but then the place will smell like stinky feet!

-Good, then the stinky feet smell can over power the dog pee smell.  I’m less embarrassed by stinky feet smell than dog pee smell.  Stinky feet is not something you can really help, you just come like that.  Dog pee is totally your own fault for failing to train/walk/crate your dog properly.  Stinky feet is genetic, dog pee is just crappy parenting.  It’s kind of like, if your kid turns out gay, oh well, nothing you could do.  But if they turned out to be a serial rapist, well then you failed as a parent and should probably be castrated.

#ReasonsIShouldNotbeLeftAlone … or … #ReasonsIShouldNotCleanMyHouseAlone.

Racist much?

The most rediculous thing happened at work tonight. For those of you who don’t know, I work at a fairly popular restaurant chain.  Tonight, I had a table of two black ladies, a black guy, and a white lady with a baby.  I took all their drink and food orders and brought their food out.  I check to see if they need anything a few times, then I have my trainee bring them some to-go boxes.  One of the black ladies asks my trainee “why you serve the white girl first?”  First, let me state that that is a direct quote.  Secondly, I wish I had been closer to answer ” a) She didn’t serve you, I did. Are you trying to say all white girls look the same? Who’s racist now? b) I gave her her food first because it was on the edge of the tray and I’ve already reached my allowance for dropping stuff this week.”  But alas, I didn’t get to say either of those.  Then, the white lady and the other black lady ask for a cup of juice for the baby.  I say sure and proceed to ask the mother what type of juice.  The first lady pipes in and says “yeah, get it for the little white baby”.  As opposed to all the other invisible babies at the table?! Why do you have to point out the race of the baby when you could just say “the baby” and I’d know exactly who you were talking about?!  I am not a racist, I just hate all stupid people, the color of your skin is your own problem.  Oh, and guess which half of the table tipped me better?  And they wonder why they are stereotyped….

Fine Line Between Genius and Insanity

It is often said that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.  I tend to straddle it  on a regular basis.  Although, it has occurred to me that, while being incredibly intelligent, I’ve never really done anything that could be considered truly genius.  This would imply that perhaps I fall slightly more to the “insane” side than I would like to believe.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I tend to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.  I could just be stupid, but then that would counter my previous statement about being smart.  So the only answer is that I am possibly insane.  Only thing is, insane people don’t question their sanity.  So by that logic, I couldn’t possibly be insane.  Perhaps just a little bit crazy.  All girls are at least a little bit crazy.  They even have a technical term for it- PMS.  So while I may not be truly genius or truly insane, I suppose I am still a girl.

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